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Trust  [ Menu ]

Trust

Love & Trust / Force & Distrust

In a discussion about the importance of TRUST, after the Founder of this ministry had originally made the post, titled, "Of Strength of TRUST (in Marital Intimacy)", on December 11, 2000, on the Friends and Fellowhelpers Email Listservs, one of the precious women on the listserv made an excellent reply and request for clarification. She made the following post, which is subsequently followed hereinafter by the reply back to her from the Founder of this ministry.

May this be a blessing for all who read it.

-----Original Message-----
From: R.
To: FAF Listserv
Date: Tuesday, December 12, 2000 12:11 PM
Subject: Re: Of Strength of TRUST / A question for the ladies

So...

culture/human sinful nature ---
brings fear of abandonment, loss of love etc. ---
i.e. *fears* insecurity ---
all "set in motion" via a feeling of a *breach of trust*
- sudden loss of confidence in relationship at the thought of polygyny

Changed by...

strengthening trust and intimacy
building her confidence in relationship
until she lets go of those fears, all this time with Christ's Love from her husband
and tackles her biases and flesh-driven concerns about polygyny

a transition... which can take a while in itself

and then acceptance...

and the growth that come after that.. for instance, learning how to love more profoundly herself...
with fervor.
strengthening bonds, limitlessly
growing in Christ, limitlessly

Is that right?

R

<><


The Founder of this ministry replied as follows...

_________________________________

LOVE & TRUST
FORCE & DISTRUST
_________________________________

-----Original Message-----
From: Mark the Founder, TruthBearer.org
To: FAF Listserv
Date: Friday, December 15, 2000 1:39 PM
Subject: Re: Of Strength of TRUST / A question for the ladies

Greetings in the love of the Lord!

Dear R,

In one way, I suppose, we could say that FEAR is DISTRUST, although I would qualify it as being that
FEAR is
DISTRUST of a person or circumstance,
distrusting then, that they will "do us wrong or harm us" somehow.

So, LOVE can yield TRUST,
while FORCE yields DISTRUST, and hence FEAR.

LOVE is freedom, and so we are able to TRUST.
FORCE is tyranny, and so we get filled with FEAR, DISTRUST.

And that's why another way of looking at love-not-force is as a sort of freedom-not-tyranny.

In an environment of freedom, TRUST grows.
But in an environment of tyranny, FEAR grows, increasing DISTRUST.

After all, do we feel "secure" in a country with freedom or would we we feel "secure" in a country led by a tyrant? Obviously, there is only insecurity and fear and distrust in a tyranny, being under FORCE.

And so too is it true with marriage, and how insecurities, FEAR, DISTRUST occur therein!

And that's why LOVE removes fear.

As it is written,

"perfect love casteth out fear"!
(1_John 4:18b.)

So, basically, then, yes, R, you have made a good simple way of putting it together indeed here.

At the very initial instance when a first wife is first hearing of Christian Polygamy from her husband, there is a momentary concern about TRUST for her about her husband. If he has perviously built her up with so much love prior to this (this goes to the teaching about what I call "building positive future past memories" at the web-site of TRUTH BEARER http://www.TruthBearer.org/read-first/marriage-counselling/), where she has such complete TRUST in him, then she is more enabled to receive it that much more. His LOVE had built up the TRUST in their bond of marital intimacy, which helped her not have any solid FEAR for much time, if at all.

Now, obviously, as none of us are perfect (I know how imperfect I am!), this is not to say that all will be perfect, nor that a husband will somehow be "perfect" in having fully built up that TRUST. And indeed, there is indeed SOME responsibility on the wife's part too with regard to her reactions, no doubt. Rather, the point to be understood here is that the husband should take responsibility for how much he has or has not so LOVED and thus built up his wife's TRUST, so that, when he does bring this to her, he sees her reaction as a reflection of how much present TRUST he has or has not built up in her. And that's why he should see her reaction as a measure of that, rather than wrongly retaliate against her with FORCE and/or blaming her as being "disobedient". For indeed, the more he instead builds her up in TRUST after that, the more he can indeed so build her up! There is hope indeed as long as he will not resort to FORCE, but instead to LOVE!

But if he has not built her up, then when that momentary concern about TRUST enters in, she is likely to become increasingly DISTRUSTFUL, and the FEAR will most typically strengthen. And if the husband responds to that with FORCE and/or calling her "disobedient" for her FEAR (which HE CAUSED), then he only compounds that DISTRUST and FEAR all that much more.

That's why the preaching of the TRUTH BEARER Vision of love-not-force is so necessary for all of us. :-) This situation here is the kind of dysfunctional happening into which any man can potentially fall when trying to bring Christian Polygamy to a first wife for the first time. And if he listens to and takes the FORCE view in his reaction, he (sadly!) can end up self-sabotaging unto the profound depths of pain as divorce. O how my heart aches at that!

But these things need not be. For now, we have the Vision of love-not-force, and thus can have a deeper insight into what happens and how we can help the precious beloved first wife.

We now can see how FORCE only enhances FEAR, increases the amount of DISTRUST. If the husband would continue to increase that (by his own contribution to ,making her FEAR increase), then we know that that action cannot be God's "way" for the matter because,

as it is written,

"For God hath not given us a
spirit of FEAR;
but of power,
and of LOVE,
and of a sound mind."
(2_Timothy 1:7.)

Amen!

And we know that LOVE removes FEAR, removes that torment indeed.

As it is written,

"There is no fear in love;
but perfect love casteth out fear:
because fear hath torment."
(1_John 1:18a-c.)

And therein does the husband have Spiritual power in helping the wife, as he DWELLS in LOVE.

As it is written,

"God is love;
and he that dwelleth in love
dwelleth in God,
and God in him."
(1_John 4:16b-e.)

Alleluia Hallelujah!

There is no doubt, as we see from 1_Corinthians 13:8,

LOVE NEVER FAILS.

Alleluia Hallelujah!

Anyway, R, good stuff! I like your very well and concisely-put synopsis here. :-)

Thanks for sharing that indeed.

As ever, you surely bless us.

May the love of the Lord Christ Jesus ever be with you.

YHWH bless...

---Mark
  Founder
TRUTH BEARER
   Acts 24:14
http://truthbearer.org
   Continuing the Reformation...
      Bringing Christian Polygamy to the Churches

© December 15, 2000, TruthBearer.org
P.O. Box 765, O.O.B., ME 04064



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